What Usually Makes Youth Become Bullies?
Youth usually become bullies because they seek power, popularity, or attention. Most youth bully to obtain at least one of these things, but each child has a different reason for seeking them, which is informed by their challenges, insecurities, and trauma.
While a bully’s motivations do not excuse their hurtful actions, understanding why youth bully can help you prevent and stop them from doing so.
8 Reasons Why Youth Bully
1. Power and Control
Some youth seek dominance in their peer group. They may strive to be respected as the group’s leader or for their peers to look up to them. Bullying may appeal to them as a way to obtain dominance.
Other youth want power and control over people because they feel they don’t have power in their own lives. They may control and intimidate people to gain the power they lack.
Youth who witness abuse or dominance at home by one parent over another are more likely to use bullying to gain power over their peers. Similarly, children who are victims of abuse or harsh behavior by a family member are more likely to feel powerless and use bullying to obtain the power they lack.
2. Jealousy and Low Self-Esteem
Bullies sometimes target people who have something they wish they had. They also target people who they perceive as better than them. These youth bully their targets because they feel jealous of them or have poor self-esteem, and they want to feel better about themselves.
3. Payback
Some youth bully because they seek justice or revenge after they were bullied. They often take out their anger from being repeatedly hurt on someone weaker than them, and they may even take it out on the person or people who bullied them.
4. Popularity and Peer Pressure
Many youth bully because they want to elevate or maintain their social status. Some children bully to help themselves become as popular as possible. They may think the power they gain from bullying will make more people respect them and want to be their friend. Some of these youth crave popularity themselves while others try becoming more popular to satisfy their parents, who pressure them to be the “popular kid” or “run with the in-crowd.”
Meanwhile, youth who are already popular may bully to maintain their high social status. They put down kids who are less popular than them to assert their dominance. Youth who bully for this reason often use relational aggression, meaning they use their target’s relationships with their peers against them. Examples of relational aggression include gossiping, spreading rumors, excluding, and peer-pressuring.
Popular kids may also peer pressure other kids into bullying with them. Those kids might be bystanders who join in on the bullying to fit in, even if doing so goes against their better judgment. Often, they are more concerned with fitting in and being accepted than the consequences of bullying.
5. Entitlement
Youth who don’t often face consequences for behaving poorly at home are more likely to believe they can bully without consequences at school and in public. Similarly, children who are given everything they want at home may bully because they believe other children are less valuable than them.
6. Attention and Entertainment
Youth who lack attention or supervision from their parents often seek attention from their peers, and they may turn to bullying to get it. Unattended and bored youth are also more likely to bully because the power, control, and drama that comes from bullying may seem entertaining to them.
7. Lack of Empathy
Some youth are naturally very empathetic towards their peers while others learn to be more empathetic as they grow up. Like entitled and unattended youth, children who have not yet learned to be empathetic may think that other children are less valuable than them or that hurting their peers can be entertaining.
8. Prejudice
Prejudice is at the root of several types of bullying. Bullies commonly target youth they believe are inferior to them. Depending on a child’s prejudices, they may bully someone based on their race, ethnicity, religion, gender identity or presentation, socioeconomic background, or sexual orientation.
Prejudiced bullies also target youth for being somehow different from most of their peers. They may target youth with visible disabilities, like cerebral palsy, or invisible disabilities, like diabetes. They may also target neurodivergent youth, who think or learn differently from most people. Autistic children, children with dyslexia, and children with anxiety disorders, for example, are neurodivergent.
Youth are motivated to bully for a variety of reasons, and they do so in a variety of ways. Understanding why someone bullies can help you plan how you will address the problem. But, regardless of why a person bullies, know that you can take action to stop them.
If you think you or someone you know is experiencing bullying or you want to learn more about it, read our Bullying Support blog series. Learn why bullying happens, explore its connections with social factors, and discover strategies and resources to help you stop bullying.
The Bullying Support Series
8 Reasons Why Youth Become Bullies
Youth bully because of their insecurities and challenges. While a bully’s motivations don’t excuse their actions, knowing why they bully can help you stop them.
Bystanders and Upstanders: Difference-Makers in Bullying
Upstanders take action when they see bullying, but why do most people just stand by? How can bystanders make a difference to someone being bullied?
More bullying support and resources coming soon.
Sources Used
- Participant Roles in Bullying: How Can Peer Bystanders Be Utilized in Interventions? | Christina Salmivalli
- Bystanders are the Key to Stopping Bullying | Sharon Padgett & Charles E. Notar
- Identifying, Intervening, Surviving and Preventing Bullying Series: Part 5 | Monique Burr Foundation for Children
- 7 Reasons Why Kids Bully and How to Stop Them | Parents.com
The majority of the information in the Bullying Support blog series was researched by former NVEEE intern Emily Mitchell.
About NVEEE
National Voices for Equality, Education, and Enlightenment (NVEEE) is a congressionally recognized nonprofit empowering youth to become resilient, socially responsible leaders through direct service, leadership development, mentoring, and prevention education. Our mission is to empower the next generation of leaders to build a society where inclusion, equity, and empathy are at the forefront—creating spaces where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued.
You can learn more about NVEEE and our mission, programs, and opportunities to get involved by visiting our website.
About the Author
Emily Gross is an NVEEE Marketing and Communications intern in the Content Writing and Editing subcommittee. When she isn’t writing or editing for work or college, she’s often reading (admiring someone’s writing) or stumbling across spelling errors in content (sort of editing.) She’s currently pursuing an undergraduate degree at the University of Florida.